How’d it go?
It was just that season, when students and their parents and families swarmed our campuses, carrying boxes packed with too many things to stuff into too little spaces in our res halls. Or families that together drove to orientation following the commute route that the student will follow for the next however many years? All over the country, schools just finished welcoming the new crop of incoming students. Most students had family members in tow , right? How was that?
Remember when you first met the parents of a friend?
Do you remember how curious you were about that meeting? You cautiously wanted to make a good impression on your friend’s parents, not disclosing anything that should remain between friends, while making sure that the parents knew how much you, too, admired their son or daughter. The phrases that come so easily to us in those situations are “You must be so proud of her.” Or “ I can see the family resemblance. He’s a great looking guy.” We want to get in their good graces, indirectly letting them know that they did a great job of parenting, right? I mean, am I right, that in most cases, we want to praise their son or daughter to them and inadvertently, praise the parents, too?
What happened to that impulse?
Faced with the parents of the new incoming students, we often shrink from them, in many cases, avoiding their eyes, in case they might ask a question or engage in conversation! We don’t want to give them any false hope that we will be their friend and surely don’t want them to know or remember our name after today! What if they contacted us next month, asking for information about the student? Yikes!
How did we get here?
Granted we are not close friends with the new students, but we value them as part of our institutional family, right? When did all their parents or family members who are on the verge of tears as they hug their daughter or son goodbye becomes the archenemy? Yes, here are those so-called helicopter parents who try to interfere, I know, but are they all like that? That can’t be true! And yes, we are bound to respect FERPA compliance, so if they were to call next month, asking about grades or other off limits information, you cannot tell them anything. But can’t you explain that fact during this first meeting? Shouldn’t they rely on you to help them forge that new relationship with the student?
Their experience is about to change drastically.
Don’t forget, till now, most of the parents have been in a high school student portal that allows even encourages them to see not only final grades but every homework assignment! So how do parents learn the new relationship if not with your help? They are paying lots more for this educational experience, so they may well expect to get access to your student portal, and you need to let them know and help them understand that cannot happen now.
Partner with parents!
My kids went to college, I experienced this shift and so I get it. For all the retention initiatives we have in place that take money from our shrinking budgets, we might be better off to remember to enlist parents as allies in retention efforts! Meet their eyes, empathize with their fears and concerns, help them understand FERPA and get them to work with their student as a coach for graduating on time! Trust me, they will be the best coaches if they understand the plays, so don’t push them aside right when you need them to help! Help them know how they can work with you!
It’s not too late.
Take a moment and reflect on parents you met this summer and how you reacted to their position. Did you enlist them as allies or ignore them in fear? They may be around for homecoming or another event on your campus soon. You can start by making sure that when you meet them next time, they know how much you value that their son or daughter is there at your school. You share their pride in that fact; it’s the best place to start!